1. We need no promise of a happy ending to reject a world we feel to be wrong.
You don't need to know what the right answer is to know what the wrong answer is. You know that your relationship is unhealthy and makes you feel unsafe, and that is reason enough to end it. You don't need long, intellectual words or a better solution in order to reject a situation that doesn't feel right for you.
If you feel uncomfortable at work because your boss has a power-trippy vibe, allow yourself to feel that way without making excuses about finding other jobs or why you are somehow in the wrong for your boss's behavior.
The IKEA catalogue or that design blog you love so much is NOT the be all end all for how your space needs to look. No one else has your life, or feels your feelings, or experiences what you experience. If it feels wrong, reject it. And don't be afraid of what comes next.
2. Whether it's a rain drop, a tea kettle, a footstep -- feel it all. All this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel the love. - Zooey Deschanel
Have you ever experienced a moment where time seems to slow down, and everything you see takes on a sheen of beauty and reality and all your fear dissolves? At least for a minute or two? Everything has an innate quality of life and reality, and sometimes we don't remember to look long enough in order to see that quality because that person on the bus or that worn out chair just blend into our schema of 'unsafe people' or 'depressing poor living room'. That raindrop on your face is an uncontrollable miracle, and your anger or shock or surprise at feeling that wetness on your face doesn't have to make you feel unsafe.
When you become overwhelmed with trying to find the meaning in your life, let it all go and the meaning will come to you, effortlessly filling up that space inside you with unedited life. All you have to do is receive.
3. Become curious instead of afraid.
This is a strategy that some people have used to overcome phobias. If someone is afraid of snakes, they first look at a picture of a snake for as long as it takes to feel comfortable. Then maybe they will hold that picture. Then they'll watch a video. Then they'll visit the zoo. Then they'll watch other people handling a snake. Finally they will handle a snake themselves.
They allow themselves to begin wherever they are at, learning about the animal in a detached way without commitment or tangibility. They find their fear, and they step back a few paces and start with the curiosity.
Are you afraid of being unemployed? Are you afraid of being single? Are you afraid of moving to another country and starting a new job?
Set aside the fear, and allow yourself to become curious. Invite an unemployed friend over for brunch and talk about it. Get closer to what scares you without becoming it. Carve out some time in your relationship for 'single' time. Watch some movies about single people living fulfilling lives. Learn a few words in the language of a country you're interested in. Practice a skill that you enjoy and might be applicable to starting a new job. Read some blogs about other people doing this, despite their fear.
4. I must admit, when I had left home that afternoon, I had no idea what I was up to. Never mind -- it worked. - Sharon and My Mother In Law
You don't need a plan or assurances of success in order to embark on a new adventure. Any action is more important than the right action. Feel like stopping off at that trinket store after work? Go for it. Making that choice doesn't change who you are or your life path. No one knows exactly what they're up to when they start something new.
Even if you did have a concrete vision of what your goal looks like, it would be absurd to hold yourself to that exact result. Instead of "I'm going to lose 50 pounds and work out five days a week and drink green smoothies every morning," try "I'm going to focus on health and happiness as often as I can, allowing myself to make mistakes and return to the holistic health/happiness vision as long as it still feels good for me."
Sometimes all we need to do is free ourselves to make a small choice that breaks out of our normal brain map. That can free up so many other paths, and making that first small choice to be different and try something new can give you the confidence you need to end up on the other side of that obstacle (real or constructed) in your way.
5. No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself. - Virginia Woolf.
Always choose your own path over someone else's. Don't model your life after some celebrity or some blogger, or even a close friend. Imitating someone else's sparkle, or even trying to shine yourself, is not the point of life. If you want to be happy and confident in your own version of success, you don't need to rush toward your future, or make explosive choices that will differentiate you from the crowd.
When life feels too heavy or too big, take a breath and remember: no need to be anybody but oneself. You are valid and valuable, just the way you are.
6. Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors. And if you see a group of people in a field, go find oaut what they are doing. Do things without always knowing how they'll turn out. You're curious and smart and bored, and all you see is the choice between working hard and slacking off. There are so many adventures that you miss because you're waiting to think of a plan. To find them, look for tiny interesting choices. And remember that you are always making up the future as you go. - Randall Munroe
It's those tiny interesting choices that will make the difference between apathy and energy in the beginning of your journey toward happiness. So many times, I have felt so strongly stuck by the illusory choice that I must either work hard and slave away towards a goal that maybe feels like it might possibly make me happy but will trample all over everything else I value in my life, or I can slack off, avoid making a potentially stupid choice that I've been pressured into by the dominant cultural narrative of hard work -> acknowledged success -> happiness, and continue to feel less-than other people who are doing the work and sacrificing so much but great-than those people because I'm not sacrificing anything.
You don't have to choose. Don't typecast yourself. Look for the tiny interesting choices you can make every day. The moments of freedom where you can make choices without pigeonholing yourself. Freeing yourself takes time, and you have to start small in order to see and feel those choices clearly and honestly.
7. Even trivial creatures know the difference between freedom and bondage.
8. You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you say and do and think. - Marcus Aurelius
9. At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself, "I have to go to work - as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I'm going to do what I was born for - the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?" - Marcus Aurelius
10. Stop whatever you're doing for a moment and ask yourself: Am I afraid of death because I won't be able to do this anymore? - Marcus Aurelius
11.
You don't need to know what the right answer is to know what the wrong answer is. You know that your relationship is unhealthy and makes you feel unsafe, and that is reason enough to end it. You don't need long, intellectual words or a better solution in order to reject a situation that doesn't feel right for you.
If you feel uncomfortable at work because your boss has a power-trippy vibe, allow yourself to feel that way without making excuses about finding other jobs or why you are somehow in the wrong for your boss's behavior.
The IKEA catalogue or that design blog you love so much is NOT the be all end all for how your space needs to look. No one else has your life, or feels your feelings, or experiences what you experience. If it feels wrong, reject it. And don't be afraid of what comes next.
2. Whether it's a rain drop, a tea kettle, a footstep -- feel it all. All this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel the love. - Zooey Deschanel
Have you ever experienced a moment where time seems to slow down, and everything you see takes on a sheen of beauty and reality and all your fear dissolves? At least for a minute or two? Everything has an innate quality of life and reality, and sometimes we don't remember to look long enough in order to see that quality because that person on the bus or that worn out chair just blend into our schema of 'unsafe people' or 'depressing poor living room'. That raindrop on your face is an uncontrollable miracle, and your anger or shock or surprise at feeling that wetness on your face doesn't have to make you feel unsafe.
When you become overwhelmed with trying to find the meaning in your life, let it all go and the meaning will come to you, effortlessly filling up that space inside you with unedited life. All you have to do is receive.
3. Become curious instead of afraid.
This is a strategy that some people have used to overcome phobias. If someone is afraid of snakes, they first look at a picture of a snake for as long as it takes to feel comfortable. Then maybe they will hold that picture. Then they'll watch a video. Then they'll visit the zoo. Then they'll watch other people handling a snake. Finally they will handle a snake themselves.
They allow themselves to begin wherever they are at, learning about the animal in a detached way without commitment or tangibility. They find their fear, and they step back a few paces and start with the curiosity.
Are you afraid of being unemployed? Are you afraid of being single? Are you afraid of moving to another country and starting a new job?
Set aside the fear, and allow yourself to become curious. Invite an unemployed friend over for brunch and talk about it. Get closer to what scares you without becoming it. Carve out some time in your relationship for 'single' time. Watch some movies about single people living fulfilling lives. Learn a few words in the language of a country you're interested in. Practice a skill that you enjoy and might be applicable to starting a new job. Read some blogs about other people doing this, despite their fear.
4. I must admit, when I had left home that afternoon, I had no idea what I was up to. Never mind -- it worked. - Sharon and My Mother In Law
You don't need a plan or assurances of success in order to embark on a new adventure. Any action is more important than the right action. Feel like stopping off at that trinket store after work? Go for it. Making that choice doesn't change who you are or your life path. No one knows exactly what they're up to when they start something new.
Even if you did have a concrete vision of what your goal looks like, it would be absurd to hold yourself to that exact result. Instead of "I'm going to lose 50 pounds and work out five days a week and drink green smoothies every morning," try "I'm going to focus on health and happiness as often as I can, allowing myself to make mistakes and return to the holistic health/happiness vision as long as it still feels good for me."
Sometimes all we need to do is free ourselves to make a small choice that breaks out of our normal brain map. That can free up so many other paths, and making that first small choice to be different and try something new can give you the confidence you need to end up on the other side of that obstacle (real or constructed) in your way.
5. No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself. - Virginia Woolf.
Always choose your own path over someone else's. Don't model your life after some celebrity or some blogger, or even a close friend. Imitating someone else's sparkle, or even trying to shine yourself, is not the point of life. If you want to be happy and confident in your own version of success, you don't need to rush toward your future, or make explosive choices that will differentiate you from the crowd.
When life feels too heavy or too big, take a breath and remember: no need to be anybody but oneself. You are valid and valuable, just the way you are.
6. Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors. And if you see a group of people in a field, go find oaut what they are doing. Do things without always knowing how they'll turn out. You're curious and smart and bored, and all you see is the choice between working hard and slacking off. There are so many adventures that you miss because you're waiting to think of a plan. To find them, look for tiny interesting choices. And remember that you are always making up the future as you go. - Randall Munroe
It's those tiny interesting choices that will make the difference between apathy and energy in the beginning of your journey toward happiness. So many times, I have felt so strongly stuck by the illusory choice that I must either work hard and slave away towards a goal that maybe feels like it might possibly make me happy but will trample all over everything else I value in my life, or I can slack off, avoid making a potentially stupid choice that I've been pressured into by the dominant cultural narrative of hard work -> acknowledged success -> happiness, and continue to feel less-than other people who are doing the work and sacrificing so much but great-than those people because I'm not sacrificing anything.
You don't have to choose. Don't typecast yourself. Look for the tiny interesting choices you can make every day. The moments of freedom where you can make choices without pigeonholing yourself. Freeing yourself takes time, and you have to start small in order to see and feel those choices clearly and honestly.
7. Even trivial creatures know the difference between freedom and bondage.
8. You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you say and do and think. - Marcus Aurelius
9. At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself, "I have to go to work - as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I'm going to do what I was born for - the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?" - Marcus Aurelius
10. Stop whatever you're doing for a moment and ask yourself: Am I afraid of death because I won't be able to do this anymore? - Marcus Aurelius
11.